Yet Another Mary Sue Parody
by ProcrastinatorsUniteTomorrow
Summary: I am the thing that keeps you awake at night, the evil that haunts every dark corner of your mind. I am...the sequel to a Mary Sue story. Quick, everybody run in terror!
1. This Won't End Well

**Yup. I'm back, and crazier then ever. Admittedly, the end of my last parody was meant to be a joke that there will always be more Mary Sues, and I wasn't planning on continuing. However, I just read some really, REALLY bad Aqualad/Oc and Speedy/OC stories, and I couldn't resist the temptation to mock them. So, to those few of you who read the author's note rather than just skipping down to the story, that is the origin of the fic. Not that any of you care, but still.**

**Oh right, disclaimer. The authors of Sue stories do not own Teen Titans (thank God.) Oh, and neither do I.**

**Steal City**

Titans East were confronting Steamroller. Just when the battle was about to start, a pair of knives came flying out of nowhere, hitting Steamroller and somehow knocking him unconscious. The Titans turned to see a girl dress in a sexy ninja suit, freakishly pale skin, a perfect hourglass body, long, raven black hair going down to her butt, and emerald green eyes.

"Sup," she said. "The name's Shadow, and I wanna join you guys."

"Uh, who are you?" asked Bumblebee.

"I have the power to transform into any cat as well as having cat powers. I also have telepathy (but only with men) and I am super good with martial arts."

"So, you're the unnatural hybrid of Queen Bee, Cheetah, and Cheshire?"

"No, I'm totally original!"

Bumblebee sighed. She had people asking to join the team every other week. "Sorry girl, but you can't just beat up one dude and expect to join us. If you want to become a Titan, take it up with Robin. He'll probably let you. Heck, he doesn't even run background checks before handing out communicators."

Speedy, however, was not listening. As he gazed at the girl, he knew that he wanted commitment, he wanted a faithful romance, and the fact that he is a player completely skipped the notice of the author. He knew this girl had to join, for he loved her.

Aqualad too was transfixed by the girl in front of him. Although he was constantly having far prettier girls swoon over (cough Starfire and Raven cough) he knew this was THE girl.

"Come on, Bee, we should instantly accept her and take her back to the tower so she can join the team," said Aqualad. Both he and Speedy blushed at the thought of this perfect girl living with them.

Bumblebee raised an eyebrow. Speedy and Aqualad were acting really out of character. "Uh, no. As team leader, I use me veto power to-"

"Sorry guys, but I don't want to be a Titan," interrupted Shadow.

"Wait, didn't you just say you wanted to join our team?"

Speedy and Aqualad were heartbroken. "Please!" they wailed. "Join our team! We have cookies!"

"Alright!" said the girl, suddenly turning into a cheetah and running away.

"Wait, hold on, I never-ugh!" Bumblebee was understandably frustrated. Not only did some freak want to join the team, but she somehow convinced Speedy and Aqualad to support her too. Bee shook her head. This was not going to end well for her or the readers of this fic.

Mas turned to Menos. "¡Qué bonita crees que es?"**[1]**

"No es tan bonito como Miss Starfire."**[2]**

"Si."**[3]**

And with that, the twins and Bumblebee traveled back to the tower, unaware of the horror that was about to befall them.

**Confession time: I don't speak Spanish and I'm using Google Translate. If the translation isn't perfect, sorry.**

**[1] How pretty do you think she is?**

**[2] Not as pretty as miss Starfire.**

**[3] Yes.**


	2. Flying Knives

**I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I found a long Mary Sue story to keep me inspired. The bad news is that I found a long Mary Sue story to keep me inspired. 'Sigh.' Why I torture myself for a story I don't even get payed for I will never know.**

Speedy, Aqualad, and Shadow got to the tower first. Speedy went off to go shoot arrows, which left Aqualad and Shadow plenty of time to talk.

"So, what brings you to Steal City?"

"Well, I heard about you on the news, and I decided that I wanted to help you guys fight crime, so here I am." She wan't going to tell him that she had a poster of him in her room that she would caress and kiss every night before she went to sleep.

Aqualad nodded, not caring that this was a pitiful explanation. All he cared about was how beautiful this girl was. He could stare for hours on end at her, even when others were rolling their eyes in disgust. But of all the things he loved about her, it was her eyes. Those lustrous emerald-aquamarine-beryl-chartreuse-jade-olive-moss-forest-green orbs. (Holy cow how many words for green are there?!) They drew him in, showing wisdom and cliche-ness beyond her years. This girl was amazing. He absolutely adored her. He...he loved her. Wow. That was fast.

Shadow, having no sense of privacy, read his mind and smiled. She loved him too. They immediately drew together and hugged, because if they kissed at the beginning it would kinda dampen the inevitable misunderstanding that drives them apart.

Just then, Speedy walked in, and he smirked when he saw the two. "Awe, do I need to give the wittle wove birds some space?"

Shadow narrowed her eyes, then threw a dagger at Speedy, which only barely missed him. This was intended to show how tough and independent she was, but ended up making her look like a sociopath with anger management issues. As fate would have it, Bumblebee and the twins arrived just in time to see the dagger graze Speedy's face.

BumbleBee's eyes were wide with horror. "What do you think you're doing?!" she yelled. "Are you insane?!"

Speedy, however, was grinning. "She's feisty. I like her already."

"Como te gusta?" asked Mas incredulously. **[1]**

"Elle lanzo un cuchillo en la cara!" finished Menos. **[2]**

Shadow blinked, confused. "Uh, what did they say."

Bumblebee narrowed her eyes. "They're trying to figure how Speedy could like you after you almost killed him!"

Aqualad bolted upright. "Shadow would never try to do that!"

"And how would you know that? You've known her for all of two minutes!"

Shadow smiled. "Don't worry, I was completely in control. I wouldn't actually hurt him."

"Se sacco sangre."**[3]**

Bumblebee narrowed her eyes. "Look girl, if you want to stay here, you've got to follow our rules. Rule number one. NO throwing knives at teammates!"

Shadow was suddenly downcast. Stating rules was a painful reminder of her past, which would be not-very-subtly hinted at for several chapters before being revealed all at once in a flashback.

Aqualad was suddenly worried. "Shadow, are you okay? Was it something I said?"

Menos rolled his eyes. "Por supuesto que no, idiota. Fue lo que dijo la seniorita Bumblebee."**[4]**

Speedy smirked. "What's wrong, Aqualad? Hurt your girlfriends feelings?" He was, of course, only saying this because he was jealous of Aqualad and wanted Shadow to be his girlfriend. Because, you know, the best way to win over a girl is to mock her. After all, no one but the truly evil and/or people with standards could hate someone as perfect and special as Shadow.

Shadow threw another dagger at Speedy, though this one was caught by the twins. Bumblebee was understandably outraged.

"What did I just say about throwing knives at teammates?!"

Aqualad, on the other hand, laughed out loud, even though it wasn't even remotely funny. "Nice aim!" he said. "Speedy can be annoying sometimes."

"That doesn't mean you can throw knives at him!"

She was, of course, ignored. Aqualad continued to talk. "Come on, let me show you to the guest room that was conveniently decorated beforehand to completely suit your tastes."

"Wait just a minute, we're not done here!" yelled Bumblebee.

"We're so glad to have you as part of the team."

"Habla por ti." muttered Menos. **[5]**

"Bumblebee's been wanting another girl on the team."

"Not a girl like THAT!"

Shadow smiled with perfectly straight and white teeth. "Wow, thanks. You guys have been really nice to me." She then realized that she had been holding Aqualad's hand. She drew it away, her face turning red. Aqualad noticed as well, and blushed.

"Creo que voy a vomitar." said Mas. **[6]**

Aqualad and Shadow walked out of the room, the door closing behind them. Speedy went back to shooting arrows, because apparently that's all he does in his free time.

Mas turned to Menos. "Al menos las cosas no pueden ir peor." **[7]** He had no idea how wrong he was.

**[1] You like her?**

**[2] She threw a dagger at your face!**

**[3] Blood was drawn.**

**[4] Of course not, you idiot. It was what miss Bumblebee said.**

**[5] Speak for yourself.**

**[6] I think I'm going to puke.**

**[7] At least things can not get any worse.**


	3. Bleeding ears

**Well, here's the next chapter. There is a song in it that sounds remarkably similar to some random Katy Perry song I found on the internet, but I changed a couple of words so it's allowed...right? Anyway, I made sure to italicize the song to make it easier for you to skip.**

**Shadow: Hey, aren't you going to do the disclaimer:**

**Me: What the-what are you doing here? You're not even real!**

**Shadow: Well, you need someone to do the disclaimer.**

**Me: But I don't want YOU. You're just a figment of my imagination. Technically this counts as schizophrenia!**

**Shadow: Well other authors do it.**

**Everyone: SHUT UP!**

The next day Shadow woke up, her eyes fluttering open like a butterfly having a seizure. She yawned sexily and got out of bed, not even bothering to get out of her pajamas. She immediately grabbed her iPod and started looking through her songs, because music is like, sooo important to her. Eventually, she decided to just make up her own song, because she's just that talented. Of course, she needed to be inspired by a musician, so maybe just take a Katy Perry song and change a couple of words. The readers would never know. Hey, she might be a Sue, but her author was one of the few Suethors who actually read the rules before posting. Anyway, she slowly opened the crimson rose petals that were her lips, a melodious harmony creeping into the air in a way that was not at all described with purple prose.

_This was never the way I planned_  
_Not my intention_  
_I got so brave, knife in hand_  
_Lost my direction_  
_It's not what, I'm used to_  
_Just wanna try you on_  
_I'm curious of you_  
_Caught my attention_

_I Kissed Aqualad and I liked it_  
_The taste of his sexy lips_  
_I Kissed Aqualad just to try it_  
_I hope Speedy doesn't mind it_  
_It felt so wrong_  
_It felt so right_  
_Don't mean anything, right?_  
_I Kissed Aqualad and I liked it_  
_I liked it_

_I know this all sounds a bit cliche_  
_It doesn't matter,_  
_You're my experimental game_  
_Just human nature,_  
_It's not what,_  
_Fascinating people do_  
_Not how they should behave_  
_My head gets so confused_  
_Hard to obey_

_I Kissed Aqualad and I liked it_  
_The gaze of his alluring eyes_  
_I Kissed Aqualad just to try it_  
_I hope Speedy doesn't mind_  
_It felt so wrong_  
_It felt so right_  
_Don't mean anything, right?_  
_I Kissed Aqualad and I liked it_  
_I liked it,_

_Those boys they are so magical_  
_Sexy lips, alluring eyes, so kissable_  
_Hard to resist so touchable_  
_Too good to deny it_  
_Ain't no big deal, it's innocent_

_I Kissed Aqualad and I liked it_  
_The sound of his alluring voice_  
_I Kissed Aqualad just to try it_  
_I hope my Speedy doesn't mind it_  
_It felt so wrong_  
_It felt so right_  
_Don't mean anything, right?_  
_I Kissed Aqualad and I liked it_  
_I liked it_

Though she had never actually kissed Aqualad, she knew that it was inevitable, and she sung like it was. As she finished her song, she heard a noise at the door. She turned around to see Aqualad at the door, silently admiring her beauty. Now, if this were yesterday, she would be flattered that he was there. But as we all know, a Sue's personality is rarely consistent. And on Tuesdays, she hated it when people eavesdropped on her singing before she was dressed. Furious, she immediately threw a temper tantrum.

"OMG I like, can't believe you were watching me!" she yelled like a stereotypical teenage girl. "Why would you be hiding like that? Was it to see me when I don't have much clothes on!?" Oddly enough, she was more modestly dressed in her pajamas than in her normal combat suit.

**Aqualad's POV**

I raised my hands defensively. "No, it's not like that! It's just that I'm afraid the others will tease us if we become a couple."

**Shadow's POV**

Now I was mad. "Come on Aqualad, they're just joking! Get over it!" I sexily stormed past him toward the kitchen, which I instinctively knew where it was even though I had only been in the tower for one night.

**Aqualad's POV**

I slapped my head. This was bad! After an innocent misunderstanding, me and Shadow were apart. I never wanted it to be this way. This must be my fault, because no one as perfect as Shadow could be responsible for this. However, I'm going to lie to myself and pretend that it's all her fault. Ha!

** Author's POV**

This was hard to write, mainly because I had three Sue stories opened up in other tabs that I would occasionally go to for inspiration. And by inspiration I mean holy-crap-these-are-awful-quick-someone-get-some-cyanide-please for-the-love-of-God-I'd-rather-die-than-read-these! Some inspiration. Anyway, I was currently mocking the trend of Suethors to constantly switch the POV when my door suddenly burst open. I turned to see an angry reader standing in the door, very clearly mad.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"That doesn't matter! What does matter is that you are constantly switching POVs, which is REALLY annoying!"

I raised my hands defensively. "Hey I'm only doing it to mock the Suethors."

"I don't care! It's annoying! Just pick a POV and stick with it! And what are you writing now? Are you writing the part of the story where it talks about the actual author doing stuff, because that's annoying too."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, that doesn't matter. What matters is that we need to get back to the story before the other readers get annoyed and click the back button. I'll just stick to third person omniscient, alright?"

The reader nodded, then left, her job complete.

** Third Person ****Omniscient**

Bumblebee was covering her ears, trying to ward off the horrendous sound coming from the guest room. What was that? Whatever it was, it was enough to make her ears bleed. The twins had run off and come back with ear plugs. Bumblebee shot them a dirty look. Fortunately, the screeching ended, and Bumblebee was able to go back to eating breakfast.

Unfortunately, the peace didn't last. Shadow stormed into the room, furious. She started ranting about how she couldn't believe Aqualad, and that he had hurt her, but she was going to get over it, and that she still loved him, but she would deny it and go out with other people to make him jealous. Bumblebee and the twins tuned her out and went back to eating breakfast. After Shadow had finished ranting, Speedy and Aqualad came in. Shadow completely ignored Aqualad and started flirting with Speedy, who immediately accepted the idea that Shadow had dumped Aqualad and she was now completely interested in him. Aqualad, distraught, came over to Bumblebee, who just wanted to finish her toast.

"I don't get it, why is she so mad at me? All I did was sneak into her room before she was dressed while she was singing."

"That was singing?" asked Bumblebee.

"Sonaba como una morsa quedar estangulado por un mono aullador,"**[1]** muttered Mas.

"Eso es un insulto a las morsas en todas partes!"**[2]** Menos said indignantly.

Bee smirked, glad she had purchased Rosetta Stone. Now if only she could get the others to use it...

"I mean, am I overreacting? Is this my fault? Should I apologize for upsetting such a perfect woman?"

Bee scowled at Aqualad for interrupting her train of thought. "My advice. Get over it."

Aqualad snapped his fingers. "Of course! I'll start stubbornly denying my feelings and insist I don't care, even though I totally do!"

Bumblebee rolled her eyes. She flew off to take care of 'business' (that is, to get away from Shadow and her puppets for as long as possible). As soon as she left, Speedy stood up. "Alright, let's go training!"

"Pero acaba de comer," **[3] **protested Menos. He was, of course, ignored, as Speedy, Shadow, and Aqualad went down to the course. The twins looked at each other, then raced off to join them, mainly to snicker when they started cramping up.

**Shadow: Wow, what will happen next? Are you exited? Good, because we won't update unless we get 10,916,024 reviews...what? No, I'm not going to shut up. Oh yeah? Whacha going to do about it? Wait, what are you doing with that chainsaw? Get away! No, stop! AUGHHHH! THE PAIN! THE AGONY! MAKE IT STOP! No, readers, you're not supposed to be enjoying this! AUGHHH!**

* * *

**[1] It sounded like a walrus being strangled to death by a howler monkey.**

**[2] That is an insult to walruses everywhere!**

**[3] But we just ate.**


	4. Training Course

**As much as I would have liked to make Shadow's death by chainsaw permanent, it's too anti climatic. As such, I will be forced to torture you with a couple more chappies...wait, did I just say chappies? Crap, the Sueness is starting to get to my head.**

Shadow and her puppet, er, boyfriend walked outside to the obstacle course, followed by Mas y Menos and Aqualad. The obstacle course looked like just a bunch of rocks, but Shadow instinctively knew that those rocks were brimming with remote turrets, laser beams, sliding walls, and robotic unicorns. Odd how they would make a training program so deadly, but Shadow wasn't concerned about that. All she knew was that the Titans considered her a baby, even though the never treated her like it, and that she had to prove her worth by getting the best time on the obstacle course.

"Shadow, do you want to go first?" asked Speedy.

Shadow shook her head. "No, I'll let Mas y Menos go first."

The twins shook their heads. "No queremos ir. Nos acaba de comer."**[1]**

Speedy grinned. "That's just like you, Shadow, putting others ahead of yourself. You are truly the most kind, generous, and sexy girl I have ever met."

"Estas escuchando?"**[2]** asked Mas.

"No se moleste," said Menos. "Ninguno de ellos habla espanol."**[3]**

"I speak Spanish," said Shadow.

The twins looked at her incredulously. "Como es eso posible? No se podia hablar aye Espanoles."**[4]**

"I'm a quick learner."

Mas y Menos glanced at each other. Seriously, how can you pick up on a language that fast without omnilingualism? Shadow had just gone from pest to creeper.

"Well, are you two slowpokes going to go?"

The twins narrowed their eyes at Shadow. Slowpokes?! They would show her. The two got up to the starting line. Speedy got behind the control booth. "Ready, set, GO!"

Mas y Menos ran the course in 4.02 seconds.

Speedy smirked. "Not bad," he remarked as he came from behind the booth. Now lets see how Shadow does."

Shadow smile was so shiny it literally blinded a nearby plane, which crashed into a field. She then got up to the starting line.

Speedy held the started the countdown. "Ready, set..." he suddenly clutched his head and groaned. "No," he murmured. "No. This is...wrong."

Shadow grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, what was that, deary?"

Speedy's eyes fluttered a bit, before snapping open, glowing pink. He immediately straightened. "Nothing Shadow. Please proceed."

The twins shifted uneasily. That was way too much like Brother Blood. Mas turned to his brother. "Debemos decirle a la senorita Bumblebee?" **[5]**

Menos thought for a second, then shook his head. "No. Esto es una venganza porque cuando Speedy puso polvo de picazon en nuestros trajes."**[6]**

Shadow smiled, then took out two knives. Mas y Menos saw this and in the blink of an eye grabbed the knives and tossed them away. Shadow glared at the twins. "What was that for?"

"No har cuchillos en la carrera de obstaculos."**[7]**

Shadow narrowed her eyes sexily. "Oh yeah? Says who?"

The twins ran off, and came back moments later with a piece of paper. Shadow looked at the paper, which said 'Rules of the Obstacle Course.' One section said 'Things not allowed on the obstacle course.' Listed were knives, guns, nuclear weaponry, yodeling, and homicidal clowns from Gotham. Of course, Shadow couldn't read, so she just nodded and smiled before starting the course.

She ran up to the first rock, which opened up to reveal a paint ball gun. She turned into a lion and ripped it to shreds. After that she came up to spinning blades made out of cardboard. She turned into a kitten and crawled under it. After that, the ground split open to reveal a pool of water six inches deep. She suddenly panicked and began floundering, because cats totally do that when in a small pool of water. Shadow thought she would drown, but unfortunately was able to make it back to dry land.

Of course, Mas y Menos were quite suspicious about how easy the obstacle course was. They ran over to the control box, where they found exactly what they had been expecting. The obstacle course had five settings, in order from easiest to hardest: Aquaman, Hawkman, Black Canary, Superman, and Freakin Batman. It was currently set to Aquaman. Naturally, they changed it to Freakin Batman. It was like magic. The course suddenly became much harder. It changed it's arsenal from paintballs and weak lasers to exploding whoopy cushions, razor edged playing cards, bionic killer crocs, fear gas, giant coins, Venus flytraps, and, well, you get the idea.

Speedy hastily turned it off. Aqualad rushed over to Shadow, trying to help her get back to her feet. Mas y Menos whistled innocently while slowly stepping back from the control box.

Shadow was gasping for air, though sadly she would pull through. Aqualad grit his teeth. "Someone must have change the setting to make Shadow fail."

Speedy nodded. "And I think I know who."

Aqualad narrowed his eyes, intent on getting revenge on whoever did this to poor, innocent, Shadow. "Who?"

"Don't you see? It all adds up. The snarky comments, the obvious disdain, Mas y Menos whistling over there right next to the control box, it all adds up to...Bumblebee!"

Aqualad snapped his fingers. "Of course, Bumblebee must be feeling jealous of Shadow, so she tried to get rid of her, even though Bumblebee's not the type to let her emotions interfere with her mission!"

Shadow looked up pitifully. "Please, don't do this. We can work it out."

"No Shadow, we need to confront Bumblebee."

Shadow instantly felt better, and got to her feet. "Alright, let's got!"

Mas turned to his brother. "Que ha pasado?"**[8]**

* * *

Bumblebee pried open the door of the plane, trying to help the passengers out. The plane had somehow crashed into a nearby field, and Bumblebee wasted no time getting there and getting the people out. She grunted, trying to clear some flaming rubble, but was having some difficulty. _Where are my teammates?_ she wondered. As if on cue, Speedy, Aqualad, and Shadow came to the scene.

"Guys, there are people trapped inside! Help me clear the debris!"

Aqualad crossed his arms. "I think there are more important things to discuss right now."

Bumblebee narrowed her eyes. "A plane just crashed and the are people inside!"

"They can wait. Right now we need to talk about our feelings."

Bumblebee's eyes went wide. "WHAT?!"

"Don't play games! We know you sabotaged the course to try and hurt Shadow."

Bumblebee was about to respond when the fire suddenly flared up. Desperate, she used her stingers to loosen some of the debris, and pulled away the rest. The passengers were safe.

A little girl came up to Bumblebee. "Thank you," she said with a smile. She then turned around and saw Shadow. Her eyes went wide with horror, and she ran away screaming.

Aqualad had a tear in his eye. Even the children adored Shadow. In fact, the only person who hated her was Bumblebee. "Bee, why do you hate her so much? Are you jealous?"

Bee scoffed. Jealous? Of that?! No way.

Shadow then reverted to her sociopath tendency. "You wanna fight?" she growled, turning into a tiger. Bumblebee clenched her arms to her sides and took a deep breath. _Heroes do not kill. Heroes do not kill. Heroes do not-_

She was interrupted when her communicator went off. She pulled it out. "A bank robbery," she said, turning to the others. "We'll settle this later."

Shadow immediately reverted to a innocent girl persona. "Come on! Let's stop the bad guys!" With that, she, Aqualad, and Speedy went off. Bee just sighed. What was with Shadow.

Mas y Menos rushed over to Bumblebee. "Que hemos perdido?"**[9]**

**[1] We don't want to go. We just ate.**

**[2] Are you listening to us?**

**[3] Forget it. None of them speak Spanish.**

**[4] How is that possible? You didn't speak Spanish yesterday.**

**[5] Should we tell Miss Bumblebee?**

**[6] No. This is revenge for when Speedy put itching powder in our suits.**

**[7] No knives on the obstacle course.**

**[8] What just happened?**

**[9] What did we miss?**


	5. Bank Robbery

**Sorry it took me so long to update. I'm back now with another chapter.**

**Recap: Shadow sucks.**

Titans East and the abomination traveled to the bank, where a couple of guys in ski masks were robbing it. Silently, they crept inside, and found the men in the bank vault.

"Hurry!" one said. "We have to get out of here before Titans East arrives!"

Another one spoke up. "You know, only about a dozen cities in the entire country have superheroes guarding them. Why don't we go to a city that doesn't?"

"Shut up! We don't take kindly to logic in these parts."

Suddenly, Aqualad jumped out into the light. "Sorry guys, but you need to make a deposit before you can withdraw."

The first one panicked. "Heroes! Quick we have to get out-" He turned around, and saw who it was. "Oh wait. Disregard! It's just Aqualad."

Suddenly, the other Titans and Shadow jumped out too.

"Crap, he has friends! Come on, guys, let's charge them one at a time!" He charged Bumblebee, only to be easily dodged and pummeled. Another one took out an assault rifle and started spraying wildly. Oddly enough, he missed with every single bullet, in spite of the fact that he was only a few feet away and the Titans were out in the open. Speedy shot him with a cryo-arrow, freezing him. The last two robbers cautiously backed away. One of them grabbed his partner and shoved him forward.

"Bait!" he yelled as he sprinted away. Aqualad took water from neaby pipes and blasted the man, unaware that this would probably cost more to repair than the robbers actually stole. The last man got his car and cranked up the engine. The car started, but was then surrounded by a blur of white. Mas y Menos circled around the car until their vortex lifted it into the air. They then stopped running, and the car came crashing down. They grabbed the dazed man and dragged him out of his now demolished car, then knocked him out with a trash can lid (not glamorous, but effective.) The twins then went to the front of the bank to make sure everyone was taken care of. When the found out it was over, they ran off to get smoothies. Bumblebee smirked. Speedsters and their metabolism. You eventually got used to it. She then turned to her Speedy, Aqualad, and Shadow.

"Good work Titans. Now let's go home."

"Wait!" yelled Shadow.

Bumblebee scowled, having almost forgotten about Shadow due to just how little she did in the fight. "What?"

"Don't you think this was a bit too easy? I think someone else masterminded it to lure us here."

Bumblebee rolled her eyes. "And what makes you say that?"

"Well, look at that guy right there! The bald one with the big upper body. He looks suspicious."

"Look, you can't just call someone a villain just because they are bald and well built." Bee then turned to see the man, who looked oddly familiar. Maybe she had seen him, in one of those villain briefs that Robin insisted she attend. "Wait, Katarou?"

Katarou turned to them, and smiled. Not an evil smile, but a genuine smile. "Ah, Titans. I suppose you would have found me sooner or later."

"What are you doing here?" asked Speedy. "Did you just want to have your butt kicked?"

Katarou chuckled. "No. Believe it or not I have reformed. I have decided to give up crime and do something good for the world. So, I moved to Steal City. I set up a karate dojo to teach underprivaledged orphans how to defend themselves should they be attacked by bullies. I spend the rest of my time caring for abandoned puppies and-"

Katarou never got to finish. Shadow turned into a tiger and lunged at him. Katarou was caught completely off guard, and found himself on the guard trying to prevent his face from being mauled. He was eventually able to get his feet under Shadow and kick her off of him. Bee grabbed Shaodw and tried to hold her down, but this proved to be quite challenging.

"Guys, help me!" she called.

Aqualad and Speedy immediately ran over and...attacked Katarou. Though he fought bravely, Katarou was eventually beaten down. Bumblebee's eyes widened, outraged and horrified. This gave Shadow the opportunity to buck her off. Bumblebee got to her feet as fast as possible.

"You idiots! I meant help me hold down Shadow!"

Katarou weakly sat up, blood trickling down his lip. "I tried to reform. I tried to do good. But it is now obvious to me that my past will never let me live a normal life. I am forced to return to villainy!"

Bumblebee shot up, about to try to reason with him, when Shadow pounded Katarou's head, knocking him out.

At that moment Mas y Menos rejoined the group, smoothies in hand. After seeing Katarou, they looked at Bumblebee, confused. Was this a villain that they missed? If so, why didn't Bee call them for backup? Bee answered their unspoken question by pointing at Shadow. The twins rolled their eyes, then finished off their drinks.

Aqualad turned to Bumblebee, arms crossed. "Care to explain your actions?"

"MY actions?!"

"You aided a known villain, who we were about to capture. That makes you a traitor."

Bumblebee wanted to strangle him. "He was reformed! He was living straight until YOU pushed him back to evil!"

Speedy narrowed his eyes. "This isn't funny, Bee. We think that maybe we should get a new leader."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah," said Aqualad. "Let's take it to a vote. Those for Shadow raise their hands." Speedy and Aqualad raised their hands.

"Those for Bumblebee raise their hands." Mas y Menos's hands shot up.

"Ok, so since everyone voted for Shadow and no one voted for Bumblebee, that makes Shadow the leader."

"Hemos votado a favor Bumblebee!" **[1] **said Mas.

"Si. Nodejes que este monstruo nos llevan!" **[2]** said Menos.

Suddenly, Speedy's phone started vibrating. He pulled it out and found he had about 50 new text messages.

"What do they say?" asked Shadow.

"Apparently, all of the readers have just voted for Bumblebee, and quite a few are sending you death threats."

There was a moment of awkward silence. Finally, Aqualad spoke up. "Looks like Shadow wins."

"NOOOOOOOO!" **[3] **shouted Mas.

"Tendras que luchar contra nostros primero!" **[4]** shouted Menos.

"Wait," said Bumblebee.

The twins looked at her incredulously. "Usted dejaria salirse con la suya?" **[5]**

"Bumblebee knelt down beside them. "I think she's planning something," she whispered. "We need to paly along until we know what it is. Then, we strike."

The twins nodded solumnly. Things would be a lot easier if they could just kill her. Alas, they would need to go through a few more chapter before death would claim Shadow. And who knows what horrors await in that time.

**[1] We voted for Bumblebee!**

**[2] Yes. Don't let this monster lead us!**

**[3] NOOOOOOOO! (Wait, did you really need translation for that? I thought it was kinda self explanatory.)**

**[4] You will have to fight us first!**

**[5] You would let her get away with this?**


	6. Tragic Backstory

**And now we get to the tragic backstory, a past so bad that it makes Jason Todd look like a pampered brat. So, without further ado, let's explore what made Shadow the incredibly irritating pest that she is today.**

The Titans and Shadow soon returned to the tower. Bumblebee flew off to make a call, and Mas y Menos started going threw the medicine cabinet in the main bathroom. Of course, this story is mainly about Shadow, so we are going to ignore the other Titans and instead focus on the boys swooning over Shadow. Why, you may ask? Because this author likes to torture you.

"Oh Shadow," said Aqualad. "You are so wonderful! I'm sure that you will do a much better job at running the team than Bumblebee ever did! I love you."

"That goes double for me," said Speedy.

Aqualad turned to Speedy. "No way, I saw her first, so I get her!"

"Is that a challenge?"

"Yeah."

Shadow sighed. The two boys were fighting over her. Splitting the team for a petty girl is sooo romantic. Shadow sighed dreamily as they continued their intense verbal sparring.

"You got nothing on me, arrow boy!" Aqualad shouted, apparently not realizing just how stupid that insult was. Not to be outdone, Speedy shouted his own ridiculous insult.

"Oh yeah? Well at least I got science!"

This horribly contrived and completely nonsensical insult suddenly brought back memories or Shadow's past. Tears formed in her eyes as she relived the experience.

_DRAMATIC FLASHBACK_

_A man with a lab coat and wild hair walked up to a poor, innocent girl strapped to a chair. He carried with him a notebook and mallet._

_"Now we are going to test your pain tolerance," he said. He took the mallet and knocked Shadow's knee. Shadow bit her lip and tried to ignore it._

_"Did that hurt?" he asked. He was met with silence. "No? Well, how about this?" He then took the mallet and hit her hand. Shadow once again bit back the pain._

_"Alright, how about this?" He smashed his mallet into her face. Shadow couldn't take it anymore and started crying._

_The man in the lab coat had his chin in his hand, as though in deep contemplation. "Interesting," he said, scribbling down some notes. He turned and left, leaving Shadow alone in the dark room._

_He entered his lab to see Bob, a scientist working for him, looking at him questioningly. "Sir, was that really necessary?"_

_"Well of course it was necessary! We need to test her tolerance to pain."_

_"But, why?"_

_The first scientist, Frank N Stein, glared at Bob. "Why everything we do here is justified. We do what we do...for science!"_

_"Yeah, but do we really need to torture her needlessly?"_

_"Bob, don't tell me your going soft on me? Why, next you'll be telling me that developing a super computer that could think and have emotions for the purpose of running the government was a bad idea!"_

_"It was, sir, but let's discuss one mistake at a time. I think it's a bad idea to give someone ninja training and super powers, and then keep them locked up and tortured."_

_"Bob, we need to test how she will react to pain so we can sell her to a mad genius trying to take over the world. Duh! I mean, the ONLY way that could backfire is if she somehow escaped beforehand, and we all know THAT isn't going to happen."_

_At that moment an automated voice came over the PA. "Warning: subject 'Abomination' has escaped."_

_Frank slammed his fist on a table. "Curses! Third one this week!"_

_Bob rolled his eyes. "It's Monday."_

_"I know that!"_

_"Right. So, now that the subject has escaped, what do you want to do?"_

_Frank tapped his chin, deep in thought. "The logical thing to do is to use this highly volatile and experimental serum that has never been tested before on myself."_

_Bob slowly backed away. "Uh, maybe there's something else you could do."_

_"Well, it's either that or put more research into the zombie virus we're developing in a secret underground lab beneath a heavily populated city."_

_"The first one! Definitely the first one!"_

_Frank smiled deviously. He knew Bob would come around! Turning around, he grabbed the serum and injected it into his arm. The serum soon took effect, and he started shaking uncontrollably. He grew much taller and more muscular. His skin turned green, and bolts grew from the side of his neck. After looking in a mirror, which he conveniently had in his lab, he fell on his knees and wept._

_"NOOOOOO!" he screamed. "This is what happens when you play God!" He wept uncontrollably for several more minutes before suddenly getting to his feet. "Well, I'm going to go rob a bank now. Care to join me?"_

_"Uh, no thanks. I'm good."_

_End Dramatic Flashback_

Shadow noticed that the boys were staring at her curiously.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Well, we were just wondering why you stared off into space for like ten minutes. It was kinda weird."

A single tear fell sexily from Shadow's eye "I was just having a flashback."

"You know we can't see those, right?"

"Oh, sorry. Would you like me to tell you my past?"

"Sure."

"Ok, first I was raised in a secret lab by a scientist who tortured me. Then I escaped, but was attacked by flying monkeys. After being beaten by them, the Wicked Witch of the West put a curse on me, that I would be annoying for all eternity. I was then raped by Slenderman, then he dropped me off in Gotham, where the Mad Hatter tried to make me his Alice. After Batman saved me (to this day Batman's greatest regret) I was dropped off at an orphanage, where I lived the next five years."

Speedy gasped. "You were in an orphanage? That's horrible!"

Aqualad was downcast. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Shadow smiled. "It's ok. I'm just glad to have a family who loves me."

"All except Bumblebee," muttered Speedy.

Aqualad nodded somberly. "Yeah. Hey, where is Bumblebee?"

Shadow grit her teeth. "I'll go check to make sure she isn't plotting anything."

Shadow walked down a hallway and stopped at the communications room, where she instinctively knew Bumblebee was. The door was locked, but Shadow was also an excellent hacker. She trained herself in five minutes. She opened the door and walked in to see Bumblebee talking to some guy with a domino mask via video chat.

"I'm telling you, she's driving me insane! I can't take much more of this!"

"Look, I know how you feel. We had to get rid of someone like that-" That's when the boy noticed Shadow. He screamed like a little girl and ducked down from the camera.

Shadow snapped her finger, realizing who it was. "Hey, your Robin aren't you!"

"NO! I'M NOT! It-it's someone else! A fanboy!"

A door in the background opened and the most ugly girl Shadow had seen walked through. She had hideous green eyes, horrible red hair, and no modesty. "Robin, who are you yelling at?" asked the girl. She then saw Shadow. Her eyes blazed with fury.

"You stay away from my boy!" she yelled. "Do not show your face here!"

Another boy walked in the door. This one was green, and had fangs. "Uh, dudes, what's going on?" He then saw Shadow. His eyes grew wide with fear. "Dude, there's another one?"

Shadow smiled. "Hey, your kinda cute." This time it was Beast Boy's turn to scream like a little girl. He turned into a turtle and retracted into his shell, scared to come out.

Next, a mechanical boy came threw the door. "Yo, what's goin on here?" He too noticed Shadow. "You gotta be kiddin me."

Finally, a dark girl wrapped in a cloak floated into the room. "Do I even want to know?" She said in a monotone. She too noticed Shadow, and a brief flinch was noticable on her otherwise stoic figure. She glanced at Robin and Beast Boy, both of whom were cowering out of view of the camera. "You know you can turn it off, right?"

Robin suddenly jumped up. "Yes!"

"No!" yelled Bumblebee. "Don't leave me-" The screen went dark. "-alone."

Bumblebee hung her head. If anyone would have know what to do with Shadow, it was Robin. But instead of helping her, he had cowered from her. Even Robin, one of the greatest Titans, was scarred of the monstrosity. And who could blame him? Of course, that didn't change the fact that Bumblebee didn't have a clue what to do. She turned slowly and walked out the door. On the way to her room she was almost run over by Mas y Menos, who doubled back to see if she was alright.

"Hey guys," said Bumblebee. "Watcha looking for?"

"Arsenico. **[1]**"

Bumblebee's eyes widened. "Woah, hold on! I hate Shadow as much as you, but that doesn't give us the right to kill her! Besides, we don't have any arsenic in the tower."

At that moment, they heard noised Aqualad's voice coming from Shadow's room.

"Shadow, why did you want me here?"

"Well, I just wanted to say that I forgive you, and that I want us to become boyfriend and girlfriend again."

"Ok, but why did you want me in your room?"

"Well, I figure that since we're boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe we should, you know..."

"I know exactly what you mean."

Suddenly, they heard Speedy's voice too. "Hey, what about me?"

"Well, I like you both, so-"

Bumblebee turned back to the twins, panick in her eyes. "You can find some poison in the Ace Chemical Plant in Gotham! Hurry!"

The twins ran like they had never run before while Bumblebee flew to Shadow's door and tried to open it. Unfortunately, Shadow had hacked the security so that the door would open until she was done. Bumblebee pounded at the door, but was ignored.

"I've never done this before," Aqualad said timidly.

"I've only done it 17 times," said Speedy.

Bumblebee grit her teeth. "Can this get any worse?"

Mas y Menos suddenly returned. "Se deshicieron de todos los productos químicos! No se encontró nada más que una máquina de café viejo y un clip.**[2]**"

Bumblebee bashed her head against the wall. Even if the twins found poison, there was no way in, and there was not time to call for help. Time was running out, and Bumblebee was out of options.

**Will Bumblebee and the twins find a way to stop Shadow? Or will Shadow succeed with her diabolical plans? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don't be ridiculous! I'm not THAT cruel. No, they will stop her, and then, then Shadow will die. DIE! DEATH TO THE SUE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**I need a shrink.**

**[1] Arsenic**

**[2] They got rid of all of the chemicals! We couldn't find anything but an old coffee machine and a paper clip.**


	7. Ding Dong! The Sue is Dead!

**This is it . The moment you've all been waiting for. THE DEATH OF SHADOW! DIE! As you might have noticed, she isn't going to be killed by flames this time. However, that doesn't mean you can't flame her. Go ahead. Tell her how much you hate her. Me? I'm going to get drunk and try to pretend that this story never happened.**

Bumblebee had to admit, things looked hopeless. Shadow had all but ruined the Titans, she had turned Speedy and Aqualad against her, and now...this. The worst part, however, was the sense of helplessness, knowing that there was nothing she or the twins could do. Fortunately, the author of this story took pity on them, and decided to use the power of the plot device to save the day!

The wall behind Bumblebee smashed apart, leaving a cloud of thick dust. When the dust settled, in the middle of the room was a black man wearing a green and black suit with a lanturn emblem on his chest. His entire body was encased in a green light, and on his hand was the ring that was his namesake.

"Green Lanturn?!" gasped Bumblebee, both in awe and surprise. "What brings you here?"

"As you know Green Lanterns are sworn to combat evil wherever it may lurk. One of the greatest evil's to befall the universe is Mary Sues, and it is our job to destroy them. You may notice that most Sue stories last only a few chapters before they are mysteriously discontinued. This is because a Green Lantern will desroy the Sue soon after they show themselves."

"You're ok with killing people?" asked Bumblebee.

"They aren't people, they're Mary Sues. And now, this one will meet her end!"

With that, he smashed down the door with a beam of light. Fortunately, Shadow was taking a ridiculously long time to undress due to trying to do it in a 'sexy' way (it literally took her 30 seconds to take off one shoe) and as such had not yet worked her horrors. However, she was now in nothing more than a skinpy top and thongs. (Once you see a Sue in thongs, you are scarred for life). Speedy and Aqualad, on the other hand, had wasted no time in tearing off their clothes. She immediately turned when the door burst open, and her eyes went wide when she saw the Lantern. The set jaw. The piercing eyes. The unmistakable power. Only one thought was going through her mind.

"Hey, you're kinda cute!"

Green Lantern narrowed his eyes. "I am immune to your influence, Sue. And now, for the good of the universe and for the sanity of the author, YOU WILL DIE!"

A giant green malet formed in the air and came crushing down. On seeing this, the twins immediately fell on their knees in front of their savior.

"Ha salvado nuestro equipo de un destino peor que la muerte. Por la presente juro que nuestro servico hasta que podamos pagar la deuda." **[1]**

Green Lantern shook his head. "Please, I'm just doing my job. Now that the Sue's dead-"

"I'm not quite dead."

GL cringe at Shadow's voice. "Now that the Sue is mortally wounded-"

"I'm getting better. I think I might pull through this!"

The giant green malet returned and smashed her five more times. Immediately, her charm over Speedy and Aqualad was broken, and they imediately came to their senses.

"Ugh. Where am we?" asked Aqualad. He then at the room. "And why are we naked?"

Bumblebee smirked. This was about to get fun. "A girl named Shadow mind controlled you two into falling in love with her and forming a convoluted love triangle. Oh, and she also tried to rape you."

The look of horror on their faces would have made Scarecrow proud. Aqualad glanced around nervously. "This...Shadow. She is dead, right?"

"Yeah," said Green Lantern. "Let's just hope she stays dead."

He was greeted by five uneasy gazes. "Que quieres decir?" **[2] **asked Menos.

GL grimmaced. "Let's just say that Sues have a bad tendancy to come back from the grave."

"WHAT?!"

* * *

When Shadow opened her eyes, she noticed something very strange about where she was. Namely, there was fire everywhere, and lot's of people were getting tortured. A red man with horns and a pitchfork walked up to her.

"Welcome to Hell!" he said. "I'm Satan, and I will be your tormentor for the next eternity. We have so much planned for you here. Disembowlment, ironic punishments, Adam Sandlar movies, I can promise you that your stay here will be anything but dull."

Shadow, however, wasn't listening. She knew she had to get out of here, and fast. After a brief glance around, she noticed a gate, and made a mad dash to it.

Satan chuckled. "Oh, don't bother. We keep the gate locked, so there is no chance-" the Gate swung open, and Shadow ran out. You could practically see steam spewing from Satan's ears.

"STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!"

* * *

Shadow continued to run, not looking back. She kept running and running until she heard someone behind her. She spun around to see a man dressed in white garments, wings, and a halo.

"Greetings," he said. "I am Michael the Arch Angel. Are you lost?"

Shadow nodded. "I have to get back to Aqualad! He's like, sooo hot!"

Michael nodded. "I see. Take my hand, and I will bring take you back to where you belong."

Shadow grabbed the Angel's hands, and immediately they took flight. Never before had she felt so free, so liberated. She felt like she could soar forever. At this rate they would be back with Titans East in no time! She was ready. She was determined. She was-

-heading back to Hell.

Michael flew over the gates with the Sue in tow and found Satan yelling at Steve. "I TOLD you to lock up the gate! This is the second time a Sue has escaped under your watch! The second time! How do expect Hell to be taken seriously if our prisoners keep escaping!"

Steve was trembling in fear. "I'm sorry, sir! I...wait, there she is now!"

Satan turned around, and his furious expression was replaced with one of joy when he saw who Michael was carrying.

"Ah, Michael! Thanks for the assist, man. I owe you own."

Steve chuckled nervously. "So, does that mean I'm off the hook?"

"NO! This time their will be an even greater punishment, one from which no man can leave unscarred. Take him to...the showing of Batman and Robin!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Michael cringed as Steve was dragged away. "Lucifer, don't you think that's a bit...harsh."

"He let two different Mary Sues escape on two seperate occasion. His punishment has to be severe."

"Well I agree, but why don't you just have someone guarding the gates? Didn't you hire Cerebrus for that exact purpose."

"Yeah, but he went on strike. Said that the working conditions 'appalling'. What did he expect? It's Hell!"

Shadow stamped her foot indignantly. "Hello?! Aren't you going to ravish me or something."

Satan slapped his head. "Look, in Hell, just like on Earth, you are only raped if you are somewhat attractive. But don't worry, I'll make sure some of my best tormentors are assigned to you. Behold! Attila the Hun! Ghengis Khan! Adolf Hitler! Joseph Stalin! And Justin Beiber!"

Beiber raised his hand. "Actually, I'm not dead yet."

"Shut up boy! You owe me!"

"Yes master."

And so Shadow was tortured in Hell for tortured in Hell for the rest of eternity. Everyone else lived happily ever after.

**This time I decided not to bring her back to life. Why? Because I hate her guts and can't stand writing her. I spent many hours 'researching' and having my mind scarred just for your entertainment. I hope your happy, because I don't care anymore. I don't care what you guys think! From now on I will base my self esteem on what other people think about me.**

**P.S. Don't forget to review.**

**[1] You have saved the team from a fate worse than death. We hereby swear you our service until we can repay the debt.**

**[2] What do you mean?**


End file.
